Recently in Advice Column Category

My friend's girlfriend is setting me up on a blind date next weekend. I haven't been on a date in many years. What kind of body language should I look for to know she's interested in me, and how important is my confidence in the possibility for sex?

First of all, congratulations on getting back into the dating scene, it's a scary world out there and hard to take that first step. Blind dates are a hard way to get back into things, as you haven't known the person before to gauge their actions. Do yourself a favor and do not go to the date expecting to get sex. You are going to psyche yourself out and be the farthest thing from confident. If she is interested in you she will do little things like smile at you a lot, maybe touch your arm or your hand, wink and laugh at your bad jokes, etc.

A lot of men are scared of the good night kiss too, don't be. If you have never seen Hitch, watch it. Will Smith has some very smart things to say about women and the good night kiss. All women are different, and we are extremely unpredictable creatures. It's intimidating, but be sure of yourself and know that you are a guy worth knowing. Just try to relax, be yourself, and have fun. It's only the first date, think about getting to know the woman before you start freaking out about what to do about sex. If it does get to that point though, confidence is very important. Most women like a man to be confident and sure of himself, just remember, if she is willing to have sex with you, then she likes you. Don't psyche yourself out about this date, just be yourself and have fun. Good luck!

My boyfriend and I have been talking about trying something new. I am kinda curious about trying anal but my girlfriend has tried it and says it hurts a lot. I want to try it but im scared, do you have any suggestions on what I can do?

      Lots of people are curious about the idea of trying anal and it can be very scary and intimidating. There are a couple of things you want to remember when trying anal sex. It can be a very rewarding experience, but like most things it isnt for everyone. I am a firm believer in the you have to try it at least once scenario. It is very normal to be scared of trying something new, especially when a friend has had a bad experience with it. Here are a few things that may help you.

         1. Use LOTS of lubricant, when you think you have enough, use more.

2.       2. RELAX! The more tense you are, the more the muscles will tense, relax and trust your partner.

3.       3. Don't start out with full on penetration, start with one finger, then two, and so on and so forth.

4.       4. Go slowly, it will hurt if you don't go slow and take your time.

5.       5. Use a condom, and do not have vaginal sex without him washing first, it can cause yeast infections.

6.       6. Pain is your body's way of saying that something is wrong, don't try to mask it and listen to your body. Don't be afraid of telling him to slow down or taking more time.

7.       7. There are small anal toys you can try first if you are really scared that will help "loosen you up".

The most important thing, as with all sexual activities and relationships is trust and communication. This is something new, and can be as scary as your first time having sex. Be open and talk about, and make sure that you trust your partner. Relax and enjoy!

My husband and I have been married for three years and I really want to try using toys. I am afraid that if I tell him, he may think that there is something wrong with him or the sex. The sex is great I just want to try new things! How do I tell him without offending him?

First of all, this situation is completely normal and fairly common, and in my profession, I have run into many women with the same problem. Toys are wonderful and can add a lot to a relationship, but so many men are intimidated by toys because they feel that there may be something wrong with the sex or that they are being replaced. First of all, you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him you want to try new things. Be honest with him, and make sure that he knows that you do not want to replace him, you just want to enhance the extra-curricular activities in the bedroom.

Many people try to start out by pulling out a dildo and saying, "Hunny, want to try something new?" Start out small, first with maybe a lube or an edible... then work up to something else, maybe a small vibrator bullet and then progress to the more extravagant toys. Many men don't realize how enticing it can be to use a toy on a woman until their first experience with it. The main thing is to start out small and work your way up, all of the time having good communication. Another thing, if your man is afraid of toys and you encourage him to start using them with you, don't use them all of the time. Take time to work in the good old-fashioned method of sex and love making. 

My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and she is always complaining that I never do anything nice for her any more. We haven't been intimate in a couple of weeks either... what should I do?

This is a common complaint from both men and women who have been in a long term relationship. At the beginning both are on their best behavior and caught up in new love and romance. The longer that the two people are in a relationship the more comfortable they are together and those little things tend to fade. When you first started dating, I am sure you bought her flowers, opened the door for her, and maybe even cooked her dinner. Go back to the way things were when you first became a couple.

Women want to be romanced and seduced, after a year and a half and even after ten years. The main thing to remember, for both men and women, is to never stop the romance, the seduction, or the appreciation for the person you are with. Big gestures are wonderful, but the day to day appreciation for your significant other and the small things are what is important to a lot of women.  It's not just buying her flowers or candy, it's more than that. Do the dishes for her when she cooks you dinner, bring her soup when she is sick, and rub her shoulders after a long day.

If you want intimacy, you have to keep the connection and love between you alive. Make her dinner, or order in if you aren't a cooking connoisseur, light some candles, give her a massage and tell her how much she means to you. Do all these things and she will be eating out of the palm of your hand in no time.  

If you have any questions for me or any funny stories you would like to share, Email me at shiloh@intimatepassions.net.

My husband and I are trying to spice up our marriage and are looking for new places to be intimate, but are scared of being caught.  Do you have any suggestions??

I think most people have some sort of secret fantasy of having sex in the middle of a field of flowers, or the beach, or maybe in the forest by the campfire. The fact of the matter is that the idea of possibly being caught can actually make it more stimulating and fun. If you are too scared of getting caught, start out slow. Have sex somewhere in your house or maybe if you want to have sex outside, your own back yard.

If you want to break up the monotony of having sex in the bedroom on the bed, spice it up. Try being spontaneous and making out on the couch, or having sex on the kitchen table, or maybe in your pool outside. Next time there is one of those passionate suggestive kisses from your partner, instead of leading him into the bedroom, try the couch or the nearest flat surface. As teenagers we were willing to "make out" or "hook up" in all sorts of places, even the back seat. Find that spirit and spontaneity inside you and just try it. There are several fun games you can try as well that have you having sex or doing intimate sexual acts in several rooms in your house.

The idea of getting caught during sex makes it just that much more alluring. You might be thinking, I am a parent or a grown woman I don't need to be having sex in a public place. Remember that underneath all of that, you are still a woman and a sexual being; take hold of that and try something new. You never know what you might like until you try it... It could be the best sex of your life.